Missing in action
by Mahumia
Summary: When Warden-Commander Shanna Cousland receives news that her old friend Anders is alive and accused of terrorism, she decides to search for him and try to help him. This is my own version which happens shortly after the events of Dragon Age 2 (and no, I will not rage that Bioware won't follow my headcanon... of course they don't). It is sort of a follow up of the story 'Sunset'.
1. Chapter 1

It was raining heavily when the dark cliffs appeared which marked the entrance to Kirkwall. The ship groaned as it made a turn towards the harbor. She was on deck and looked up at the immense cliffs with their chains and slave statues. 'Such a welcoming city…' she thought. A cold gust of wind blew and she pulled her cloak closer around her. Around her crew members were preparing for docking at the harbor whilst the deck slowly filled up with more passengers.

She was glad to put her feet back on solid ground, but had mixed feelings when she followed the crowd and entered the city. The information and rumors she had gathered had make her decide to travel to Kirkwall. She knew many Fereldan had fled the blight about a decade ago by making their way to this city and try to build up a new life. Around her she saw some damaged buildings here and there, mostly with apparent attempts to start repairing the damage. 'First a blight, then a Qunari invasion and then _this_? I would call that tough luck.'

She found herself getting lost in the maze of alleys and due to the weather there were hardly people out on the streets. So, when her eye caught a patrol of guards, she decided to ask them for directions to a nearby tavern. Following their directions she soon found herself on the doorstep of the Hanged Man.

Luckily there was still a vacant room, so she sighed with relief when she could close the door behind her and finally have some private space. The damp cloak was removed and hung on a hook near the door. After that she removed her armor and placed the pieces on the floor near the bed. They could use some cleaning, but at the moment she did not feel like it. She sat down on the bed and retrieved a journal from her bag. Browsing through it, her thoughts wandered through memories of past times. Closing her eyes she laid the book down. 'It is best to get this sorted out as soon as possible… Let as least make myself representable.' She stood up and prepared to take a bath.


	2. Chapter 2

The rain had nearly stopped when she climbed the stairs to the Viscount's Keep. A guard approached her: "Your business, serah?" She stopped to answer the guard: "I would like to have an audience with the viscount." The man shook his head: "I'm sorry serah, but you will have to return another time. The viscount is too busy to have an audience with every other visitor who walks in." She pulled down the hood of her cloak, revealing her richly decorated helmet. "I did not know that a Commander of the Grey is considered to be 'just' a visitor…?" The guard sharply inhaled before stammering: "I eh.. my apologies messere, I… I eh… will inform the seneschal." The man turned and went into the keep. She let out a deep sigh: she hated acting haughtily... but sometimes she just had to.

After a few minutes the guard appeared with a well clad man in tow. "Come in messere, the viscount will have some time to meet you." The man made a movement with his hand to invite her in. She nodded and walked along with him. "My name is seneschal Bran. Please note that the viscount is quite occupied, so it might have been more convenient to have announced your arrival earlier, messere." He eyed her sideways. "I understand, but please note that I have just arrived today, so I did not really have that option." She did her best to hide her annoyance and to reply as politely as possible. He nodded and let her into a room. It was nicely decorated and had comfy chairs along the walls. "Please have a seat, messere. I will inform the viscount of your arrival. She will let you know when she can see you." He knocked on a door before opening it. After a short moment he reappeared and left the waiting room, closing the door behind him.

The door was hardly closed or the opposite door opened. A dark haired woman appeared, wearing a long dark red vest bearing the Kirkwall heraldry and black trousers. "Please, come on in." Her eyes and voice appeared tired, yet she appeared genuinely inviting. The commander, who was still standing and inspecting a painting of hightown, turned her head. "Thank you, mylady. I had expected to wait longer." She walked towards the viscount and held out her hand: "Nice to meet you, my name is Shanna Cousland, Commander of the Grey of Ferelden." The viscounts eyes widened before she took Shanna's hand to shake it. "Leila Hawke… it is an honor to have you here, hero of Ferelden." Shanna brushed the comment off. "I should be honored and thankful that you allowed me to have an audience with you. Besides, you are the champion of Kirkwall, so we are even on that." "Well, than we can skip the formalities, right?" "Oh, yes please!" Both ladies smirked, before Leila stepped back and walked over to her desk. She pulled open a drawer. "Can I offer you anything to drink?" "Just some water would be nice, please." "You're sure? I can get you something stronger too if you want." Shanna smiled. "Maybe later, but for now I prefer some water." Leila grabbed two glasses from the drawer and a can of water. While she poured in the water she asked: "So, what kind I do for you?"

Shanna removed her cloak and stood a bit uneasy. "Actually… I am here on personal behalf. Recently I have received news that a long-lost friend who was considered to be deceased was found to be alive and living here in Kirkwall." Leila put the glasses on each side of the desk and pointed towards the chair. "Please, have a seat. But that good news. Who is it? I can ask the guard-captain, Aveline, to look out for that person." Shanna folded up the cloak. "He was seen in your company. A grey warden mage with the name Anders." She noticed that the tone of the viscount became a bit wary. "I see… you know what happened here only a few months ago?" The commander walked over to appointed chair slowly whilst answering the question: "I have heard rumors that he would have destroyed the local chantry and disappeared after that… Which event resulted in a clash between the circle of magi and the templars." Leila nodded: "Yes, the city is still bearing signs of his actions. But you stated that he disappeared: what makes you think that I can help you with that?" Shanna sat down and shrugged: "I was merely hoping that you could give me some leads. Nathaniel said that Anders was in your company, so you might have a better clue than I have." "Nathaniel…?" "Nathaniel Howe, another grey warden who you have met in the deep roads." The viscount rubbed her chin and leaned backwards in her chair: "Ah yes, I remember him… What would you plan to do if you find Anders? Take him back to the wardens?" Shaking her head, the warden replied: "No, unless that would be what he wants. I just want to see him again, and apologize for letting him down." She took the glass of water and wrapped her hands around it. She glanced in the direction of the glass, but was not really looking at it when she continued: "When the immediate threat was solved in Amaranthine, where we were stationed at that time, I decided to take a break and stay for some time with my brother at Highever. Therefore I left the wardens keep into the hands of newly arrived wardens. When I returned, I heard that a group of wardens had perished during a patrol. Anders would have been among them, although his body was never found. Seeing the rest was in armor, and a mage only in robes, it was assumed that he had been dragged along by animals, as the bodies of the rest were torn apart." She closed her eyes. "I was devastated when I heard about the loss of those wardens, especially Anders. He had always supported me and saved my life a few times… so, when I heard that he actually was alive, that he somehow had survived… I felt guilty, for I had never tried to find out if he would still be alive, if he would need help. And that is not what he deserved. Not after all he had done for me."

Leilas dark eyes eyed the warden and she pondered a bit. "I see, thank you for sharing this with me. You know… as this is more of a personal matter, how about we discuss this further somewhere else?" The warden looked up at the viscount. "That would be fine to me, if that is what you prefer." Leila smiled: "I'm tired of the day-in, day-out problem solving here, so I do not mind leaving at all. How about I invite you over for dinner at my estate?" "Oh, that is very grateful of you. Thank you, I would like that." "Alright, let's go than. This mess will still be here tomorrow anyway." The viscount made a wide movement of her arms at the pile of papers on her desk before standing up.


	3. Chapter 3

"Good evening messere! Ah, I see you have brought a guest." They were greeted by the dwarf as soon as they entered the estate. "Bodahn? Is that you?" Shanna exclaimed in surprise upon seeing him. "Maker, if that isn't the warden! It is good to see you again, messere." She smiled broadly as she approached the dwarf and gave him a hug. "I am glad to see you too after all these years. How is Sandal?" The dwarf politely patted the wardens back before releasing her. "He is doing fine as well messere. Still working on enchantments." Leila gave them an amused look. "I see that you two know each other?" Shanna released the dwarf and turned around to face the viscount. "Yes, he and Sandal helped me and my companions greatly during the blight." The dwarf blushed and stammered: "Messere, you are giving us too much credit!" The warden turned her head: "No I don't. You have made sure we had constant supplies and Sandal has been upgrading our equipment with enchantments."

Leila snickered: "Well, you two catch up, I am going to change. Bodahn, would you please inform Orana that we have a guest for dinner? Oh, and please show our guest the study if you are done here." The dwarf nodded and made a slight bow. "Of course, messere." The viscount opened the door to the central hall, only to be almost knocked over by a mabari. She patted him before continuing to go to her room: "Yes, you are a sweet boy Reese, be nice to our guest, will you?" The dog walked over to Shanna, who removed a gauntlet and knelt to be better able to pet the dog. "Why hello there. It is always good to see a mabari." The dog flipped over on his back, which prompted the warden to give him some belly rubs.

"Messere? If you would please follow me?" Bodahn was standing in the door opening. "Oh, I'm sorry Bodahn, I had not even noticed that you had left." She stood up and followed the dwarf to the study. A young elf girl was busy to lay a large table. Bodahn pointed out: "Messere Hawke likes having guests over, so she wanted to have a large dining table." Shanna smiled: "I know the feeling." She eyed her armor. "I'm not really properly dressed for a dinner… Do you think mylady Hawke would mind if I take some bits of the armor off?" "No she won't", sounded the answer behind her. "Ah, good to know that, Leila." She turned around to face Leila, who had just entered the study. She was wearing her casual clothing. "If you want to, I could borrow you one of my gowns for now?" "That is very kind, but not necessary, unless you are having an issue with people wearing a gambeson at the dinner table? I am used to wearing my armor, but it does become cumbersome when sitting for a long time." Leila nodded: "I can imagine that much. But of course it is not a problem to wear the gambeson. I merely suggested it because of your 'I'm not dressed for the occasion' remark, in case you would feel not at ease." Shanna smiled: "Thank you, but unless I misinterpreted your earlier comments this would not be a formal intervention. And as you are casually dressed, I can do the same." She handed over her helmet and gauntlets to Bodahn and started to remove her bracers and spaulders . "Serah?" Leila turned around to the elf addressing her: "Yes Oranna?" "How many persons will there be for dinner, serah?" "For now two." "Thank you, serah." The elf turned around to continue to lay the table. "Oh, by the way, my guest is a grey warden, so please account for it with the amount of food." "Of course, serah." The elf nodded when placing out the plates on the opposite sides of the table. Shanna smiled: "I guess you have experienced the warden appetite before?" Leila rolled her eyes: "One time Anders alone ate more than the rest of my team combined." Shanna chuckled whilst removing her chest armor. "Yes… I feel sorry for the servants at the wardens keep who have to prepare food for the whole lot of the wardens there…"


	4. Chapter 4

The ladies sat on opposite sides of the dinner table, but on the long end, so they could still easily speak with one another. They had just been served their dinner. "What I was wondering about…" Shanna started, "Everyone was mentioning how busy you are and that you would not have time for audiences. Is it that much of a mess?" Leila grinned whilst taking a sip from a glass of red wine. "Well… yes and no. This city has been without a viscount for years, so there is quite some backlog. Then there is the damage caused by the destroying of the chantry and the following annulment of the circle…" "What?!" Shanna exclaimed surprised: "The circle was annulled?" Leila shrugged: "Meredith, the knight-commander of that time, called for it yes, even though it was against the chantry law. So, in order to prevent as much bloodshed as possible, I sided with the templars at that time so I could stop it before the whole circle was lost." Shanna nodded: "I can understand that yes... but I'm sorry, I interrupted your story." The viscount smiled: "No problem, I understand your surprise... anyway, apart from that mess, my eh... betrothed has sworn to come to Kirkwall with an army in order to revenge Anders actions against the chantry." She smiled tiredly and supported her head with one hand. "Ah yes... Sebastian Vael... one day he promises me no less than a prince, the other he wants to burn down the city and hunt our mages for I refused to kill Anders on the spot..."

Shanna shook her head in disbelief. "I never understood the whole hatred against mages in general. My opinion is that no matter what, people should always be given the opportunity to make up for their wrongdoings. And one should not be held responsible for another persons deed." Leila glanced for a moment at a point past the warden before returning her gaze on Shanna. "That is an attitude I surely admire. Especially after what has happened to you and your family, according to the stories. You know... I have lost almost my whole family as well over the past fifteen years: both of my parents and my siblings. Although I know it to be pointless, I have often blamed myself for not being able to safe them. During my stay here, over the last decade, I have built up a close group of friends, and although we do not always agree with each other and they are sometimes at each other's throat, I hold them dear and will protect them." Shanna stretched out to place her hand on Leilas: "I am sorry to hear that and I understand how you feel. I do the same for my friends." Leila smiled faintly. "Thank you... So tell me, what do you plan to do if you find Anders?" Shanna retracted her hand and scratched the back of her head: "Well... I had no choice but to conscript him back in the days, as templars had marked him an apostate for running away too many times and wanted to kill him. Of course, I was in desperate need of new recruits and he was a very promising one. However, I am afraid he had only exchanged one prison for the other, as the life of a grey warden brings many consequences and he did not really have a choice in the matter. One time back in Amaranthine I had promised him to help him search for his phylactery. Sadly enough, it was not there where it was supposed to be. I felt sorry for him. He had been on the run and brought back so many times, was marked an apostate... and even the status of grey warden did not seem to be enough to stop the templars from hunting him. So, when I heard from Nathaniel that Anders was alive, I started to do some research. And I have found out that his phylactery has recently been shipped to Kirkwall, probably because the templars want to hunt him down for good... I think it is time for me to live up my promise and get his phylactery for him... After that, if he wants to, that is... I want to go to Tevinter with some documents I have acquired during the blight... it appears there is a way to diminish the effects of the taint, or perhaps even to remove it as a whole... so he can finally live a normal life."

"Really... would you do that for me?" A surprised and emotional voice came from behind her. "What..?" She turned around, and saw much so her surprise a blond man leaning against the door post. "Anders?!" Her eyes wide from surprise, she stood up from her chair and walked over to the man. "Oh Maker... you won't believe how relieved I am to see you." She wrapped her arms around him and gave him a good hug. A bit uneasy he returned the hug. "I admit I did not expect to see you ever again." His voice was soft and close to breaking when he continued: "Would you still help me if you find out what I have become? I can never have a normal life." She looked up at him and into his brown, questioning and sad eyes. "Of course, I will do whatever I can." Her voice was firm. He whispered a "Thank you" and pulled her close. She smiled and placed her hands on his back. Suddenly she felt his body get tense. "Anders, is anything wrong?" She looked up, only to stare at a pair of blue glowing eyes, his face had turned grim. "Anders? What... did I do anything wrong?" Surprised she let go of him and took a step back. A booming voice replied in a feigned calmly way: "Why did you come here, after all these years? Don't you see that we are not yet done?" He pushed her against the wall. "I have learned a lot from you, from this mortal realm... and together, Anders and I can make a difference here. " Shanna eyed the man, too flabbergasted to fight against him. "Who are you?" She managed to stammer. "I am Justice, Warden-Commander." "Jus... Justice? We... I thought that you returned to the Fade... Kristoff's body..." He grinned: "Did you forget that I got locked up in your realm? After I lost control over Kristoff's body, I wandered around... not able to interact, no one could see of hear me. I saw great injustices be done, but could do nothing about it. So, after a while I turned to Anders... and he agreed to help me." Shanna blinked a couple of times before answering. "That... is not what I was expecting, but it is also good to see you again, Justice." Justice closed his eyes. She felt his grip on her body lessening, and when he opened his eyes they had turned back into Anders'. "I... I'm sorry Shanna... I hope I... he... did not hurt you?" She took a deep breath before shaking her head. "No, but you got me startled there."

"Ah yes, I forgot to mention that part, didn't I?" Leila responded comically from her seat at the dining table. She turned to the elf servant who was standing in a corner: "Orana, please arrange a third plate, another guest arrived for dinner."


	5. Chapter 5

Shanna walked around at the Lowtown market. Her thoughts wandered of to what happened the evening before. After finding out that Anders and Justice had somehow 'merged', the three of them had continued their dinner. Leila had explained that she had decided to hide Anders in her own estate, as it would be unlikely for the templars to look there. Anders had admitted that he thought that merging with Justice was the worst decision he had ever made. He had wanted to help Justice, but inside him, Justice had changed and was now hard to control. Her hearth ached as she thought of the depressed impression he had made. He even admitted that he had been considering to end his life... They had agreed to having a meeting with Hawkes complete crew at the Hanged Man the next evening... this evening. But first, she wanted to arrange some things.

A short while later she knocked on the door of the Hawke estate. Bodahn answered the door: "Messere Cousland? Messere Hawke is not in at the moment." Shanna smiled at him: "I know, but the Hanged Man would not let me use their kitchen, so I was hoping that I could make use of the one here... I promise I will clean up after." The dwarf pondered for a few moments before letting her in. She proceeded to the kitchen, arms full with products she had acquired from the market. Orana was doing some dishes when she entered. "Oh, good morning messere." "Good morning Orana. I am sorry, but would you mind if I use the kitchen for a bit?" The elf gave her a puzzled look. "Don't worry, I won't try to take over your job, and I will clean up my mess, alright?" Orana nodded slowly. "If you want, you can help me, of course." That comment made the young elf her face bright up a bit.


	6. Chapter 6

She knocked on the door of the guest room. "Anders?" The door opened for a bit. "Shanna? What are you doing here?" She held up a plate with a freshly baked apple pie. "I have something for you." The door opened and Anders stepped outside, his eyes on the cake. "For me? But..." "I hope you like it... I recall that you like cakes." He lifted up his gaze and looked at her. The gaze in his eyes softened. "You remembered that? It is sweet of you, thank you. Please, come in." He stepped aside so she could enter his room. The interior was plain and simple. A bed, closet and a small desk which held some books and paperwork. She placed the plate on the desk and turned around to face Anders. She smiled when she looked at him. "I'm glad to see that your eyes can still shine, Anders." He fumbled a bit with the rim of his robe before turning his gaze up at her. "I do not have many things left to be happy about, Shanna. Now I am locked up here for my own protection." She stepped in and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, come on. Where is the joyful, silly mage I know? If there is anything I can do for you, please tell me." A faint smile formed on his lips. "You have already promised me more than I can imagine, Shanna. I cannot ask more of you." She softly squeezed his shoulder. "That is what friends are for, Anders." Her hand slipped into her pouch. "Speaking of which..." She produced a ring and handed it to Anders, who responded surprised. "Are you proposing me now?" Shanna chuckled. "No, sorry. This is the lyrium ring I once gave to Justice. It was returned to me when Kristoffs family came to collect the body and I've kept it ever since... as Justice seemed to be fond of it, I thought I might as well give it to you now." Anders eyed the ring before slipping it on a finger. For a second, his eyes turned blue before shifting back to his normal eyes. "It is... singing?" "Yes, I recall Justice saying something like that." A small smirk appeared on Anders face. "It is... relaxing, thank you." Shanna shrugged. "Glad you like it... both of you than." She turned her head at the cake. "But don't let it cool off Anders. Apple pies are at their best when they are still warm." He placed a hand on her cheek. "I am sure I will enjoy it, but please take some of it as well for the rest." She smiled and placed a hand over his. "If that is what you want. I doubt they will object against that. And don't worry, I really did not poison it." He released her and walked over to cut the cake. He looked at her with a smile. "I will believe you... this time." Shanna chuckled: "Well, that is a relief." He removed half of the pie and returned the rest of the plate to her before licking of his fingers. "Oh, it really tastes good. It will at least be a sweet death if it would be poisoned." He eyed her from the corner of his eyes whilst licking his index finger. The sparkle which showed in his eyes made her smile in return.


	7. Chapter 7

The whole group had gathered in Varrics room at the Hanged Man. Varric, Aveline, Merril, Fenris, Isabella and of course Leila and Shanna. Shanna had raised an eyebrow on meeting Isabella again, after she got introduced to everyone. Leila had explained to the group that Shanna, as warden-commander, could safely take Anders outside of the city. She had discussed the presence of the commander of the grey with the knight-commander, Cullen, and had come to an agreement to get access to Anders phylactery. After an evening of discussing and brainstorming, they had come up with a plan: Fenris' mansion was officially still 'abandoned', so Anders could go there and pretend to be hiding there. Shanna would be able to 'track him down' with the phylactery, after which she could pretend to arrest him and take him along to face a 'grey warden trial for 'deserting' and 'abandoning the cause''. They thought it sounded plausible, as no one would have any knowledge about grey warden customs anyway. Isabella would lend her ship to get them away from Kirkwall.


	8. Chapter 8

Shanna sat next to Anders on his bed. "Are you sure you are up for this?" She rubbed with a hand over his back. He let his head hang. "I do not know, but I guess we do not have many other options." She nodded. "I'm afraid so... you just have to make sure Justice will not show himself. I know I can protect you, but I might not be able to if they find out..." He let out a deep sigh: "I know, I know. The templars would kill me on the spot. But that is not my concern... I am worried about you." He turned his head to face her. "Some templars here even go against chantry law. Who says they will have any respect for the grey wardens? I am afraid they might arrest you for helping a wanted apostate." She placed a hand on his shoulder: "That is a risk I am willing to take." He smiled faintly and placed a hand over hers on his shoulder. "Maybe the Maker did smile on me than when he let me and Nathaniel meet again." He noticed a change in her eyes when he mentioned Nathaniel. "Speaking about him... does he agree that you are here alone and helping me?" Shanna lowered her gaze. "I do not know, and do not care... I am not doing this for him, Anders." Anders pondered a bit before responding. "I know... what is wrong?" She averted her gaze from him: "What can I say?" Her voice soft. "It is complicated… I'd rather not speak about it.". "Oh dear Shanna, I'm sorry." He leaned in and wrapped his arms around her. "It... it is alright. You could not know." After a while, sitting there in silence, she stood up. "If you agree with the plan, I am going to make the final arrangements now." He looked up at her and nodded.


	9. Chapter 9

People stopped and turned their head when the group walked past. It was quite remarkable indeed: the viscount, a grey warden, both the knight-commander and the captain of the guard, flanked by some templars and city guards. Something big was about to come down, and gossips buzzed through the streets of Kirkwall.

Shanna looked intently at the object in the palm of her right hand. She thought back at what happened before they left the Gallows. The knight-commander had explained how it worked: the phylactery would glow more intensely the closer it would reach the person the blood once belonged to. She had quirked a brow at him, and he had admitted that it was a form of blood magic. The viscount had joked that the templars must be hunting blood mages out of fear that the mages would steal their monopoly, which had resulted in some glares from the knight-commander.

But now was not the time for jokes. The object was glowing, and she noticed the tension rising amongst the group the brighter it became. They traveled through lowtown and entered hightown. After a while, crisscrossing the streets, she stopped walking. The phylactery was growing brightly. "He is close." Cullen remarked, looking around the street in case there would be any sign of the renegade mage. Shanna closed her eyes. "I know, I can sense him…" She waited for a few moments before pointing to a building to her left. A gasp went through the crowd of guards and templars. "I can't believe it, right under our noses?" "So close to the viscounts hall?" "Next to the remains of the chantry?" And so on. The knight-commander gestured to them to be quiet. The viscount turned to watch the group: "Alright" She began: "We have discussed the plan before we left. The warden-commander will go in and we will wait here." She turned towards Aveline. "Captain of the guard, you and your men will secure the area and keep the crowd at a distance." Aveline nodded her approval. Leila turned her head to face Cullen: "Knight-Commander, you, your men and I will form the first line of defense in case anything goes amiss." Cullen nodded and saluted. At last she turned towards Shanna: "Warden-Commander, good luck and be safe. Know that we will support you." Both ladies nodded at each other and made a small bow. Shanna opened a lyrium potion and drank it, before entering the building.


	10. Chapter 10

Cullen was pacing back and forth in front of the building, every now and then glancing worriedly towards the building when noises were heard within. He walked over to the viscount, who was leaning casually against a wall, and spoke to her with a hushed voice: "Are you sure we should not interfere? It is taking too long… he could easily overwhelm her…" Leila shook her head: "Have trust in her, she is the hero of Ferelden, after all."

Hardly had she spoken the words, or the door of the building was kicked open. Everybody looked up as both the mage and the warden-commander appeared in the doorway. Locks of hair hung wildly across his face and he was panting. His robe hung loose and his hands were cuffed behind his back. His eyes opened wide when he noticed the group of Templars surrounding the building. He looked over his shoulder to the woman behind him, who had a sword pointed at his back. "Please… you cannot do this…" "Walk!" Her firm voice made him turn his head, but he kept his gaze on the ground as he stepped forward. "On your knees." He closed his eyes as he slowly sunk to his knees. The templars raised their weapons and looked to their commander for instructions. Shanna motioned to them: "Give him space, templars. I have got it under control." One templar actually stepped closer, pointing his weapon towards the mage. Anders shifted nervously at the wardens feet, and electricity sparked at his fingertips. Shanna lowered her sword before stretching out her free hand towards the mage and flashing a holy smite. The mage groaned and arched his back, but the sparkles vanished right away. Immediately she raised her sword angrily towards the templar who had moved closer. "I am not going to repeat myself. You are provoking him. Move or I will make you!" The templar was pulled back on his shoulder by the knight-commander.

Cullen eyed her: "I did not know you possess templar abilities…" Shanna shrugged: "King Theirin learned me a few tricks, back in the days…" His eyes fell on the blood marks on her chest. "The phylactery!" She looked down at the broken glass vial around her neck. "Ah, so that is the crack I heard..." She sheathed her sword and removed necklace holding the phylactery. Cullen stepped in to take it from her, causing Anders to tense again. This time, Shanna just placed a hand on his shoulder whilst handing the broken phylactery to the knight-commander.

Cullen held up the broken device. "You know we have a problem now, right? If _he_ finds way to escape, we cannot track him down anymore." He pointed at Anders. Shanna looked at the knight-commander and responded calmly. "Maybe you have a problem, but I don't. He won't escape." Cullen snapped at her: "The man has proved numerous times in the past that he excels at escaping." He drew his sword: "I'd rather finish it here than risk the chance of him vanishing." Shanna stepped in to move between Anders and Cullen. "Are we having the same discussion again? You will not have him." He glared at her and stared into her eyes with a mixture of concern, admiration and anger. Although he towered over her, he did not seem to intimidate her. "Move aside, warden." "Cullen!" Leila intervened. "She is right, you did agree before to help her and let her take him away to face trial." Cullen sighed: "Viscount, will all due respect…" She interrupted him: "No, leave it. I will join the warden-commander to ensure their journey will go smoothly and our interests will be represented during the trial. That is, if the warden-commander agrees with it." She turned to look at Shanna, who nodded in response: "That would be alright to me." Cullen eyed Shanna before stepping back.

"Well, let us move out before people start losing their minds again." Leila started walking and motioned for the rest to follow.


	11. Chapter 11

A deep sigh of relief went through the group as Isabella's ship left the Kirkwall harbor. Leila had quickly joined Anders and Shanna below deck. She had found them hugging each other. "You lot should seriously consider a change of career… that was some mindblowing piece of acting there." Both smiled sheepishly at her. "It helps to have some experience and practice before going on stage." The warden replied to her. She turned her head towards Anders: "I hope I did not hurt you back there, with the smite thing?" He grinned at her: "You did not. It was merely tingling. I am used to fullblown templar smites which knock you out cold." Leila crossed her arms. "So that is why you took the lyrium potion?" Shanna nodded: "It is not as strong as the lyrium templars use, and my abilities are not as strong as theirs, but if I want I can use some tricks… Nonetheless, I have to admit I was terrified that it would go wrong." Leila moved in for a grouphug. "I understand, it was seriously tense." She spoke softly. "I am proud of you two." Shanna rubbed Leilas back: "We have done it together. If you had not intervened I might have ended up dueling the knight-commander." "Hmm, would have been hot though… just sitting there, chained up, defenselessly watching as a beautiful woman fights to save my life…" "Ah yes, chains… I knew we forgot about something." Leila added humorously. "Pff, do not give me ideas, damsel in distress." Shanna poked Anders in the ribs with her elbow. "Anyway, I am going to refresh myself a bit." Shanna lifted her arm in a greeting as he walked out towards her cabin.


	12. Chapter 12

Shanna was combing her damp hair. The bath had been refreshing and she was now wearing a comfortable dark blue dress instead of her armor. She thought back about the happenings that day. Everything had happened so fast… and so many things could have gone wrong. "Thank you Maker for watching over us today." She looked up when she heard tapping at her door. "Come on in!" Via the mirror she could see the door behind her open and a robed figure slipping in, closing the door behind him. The mirror did only show the body up to the breast, but it was easy enough to recognize the only robed man on board.

"I see you've changed clothes too?" She laid down her comb and turned around to face her guest. A pair of glowing blue eyes stared at her. He leaned with his back against the door, his blonde hair loose along his face and shoulders and lips slightly parted. "Hello Justice! Sorry, I expected someone else. What can I do for you?"

His face slowly turned into a grimace. "Stop tempting me… him." His voice demanding. She cocked her head: "I beg your pardon?" Slowly he walked towards her. "You're playing… with his feelings. You are feeding memories. Gifts, words, touch. I can sense it in him. I will not allow it." "Excuse me?!" She snapped at him. "I missed the part where you have turned into a lust demon?" He grabbed her upper arms and yanked her up from the chair. "Shut up." He hissed at her, bringing his face close to hers. He turned and pushed her against the wall. "You have too much influence. I will need to interfere." His fingers buried themselves into her arms painfully. "Thinking you can just overrule me, eh?" He had pinned her against the wall and whispered into her ear.

"Justice, stop it! I have no idea what you are talking about." She wriggled trying to get loose, but it was useless. He purred against her neck: "Yes, fight me, as you want him to fight me. But you cannot win. I know your game, you even explained it to me, back then. Do you remember?" Shanna managed to get her hands in between their bodies and started to push Justice away. "Andraste's flaming nickers, are you drunk Justice?" He lifted his head to grin wickedly at her. "No, but go on, get angry at me. You've told me much about those feelings you mortals have. You mortals are strange… in the fade, the beings are static, yet the surroundings change… here, it is the other way around." He grabbed one hand and pushed it against the wall. "No wonder you attract demons… hunger, lust, pride, sloth… it is always there, lingering." He moved his face closer to hers. "You can feed it, invoke it into others. Mortals may not feed from the feelings, but they can play with them." His lips brushed her forehead: "So what is this like, eh? What are you feeling? Lust, anger, fear?" He let out something which sounded like a moan. "Feelings can take control, become an obsession… I can sense them… I will not allow this obsession for you. No… I will let you pay for it." Her free hand flashed out and hit him full on his cheek. She fumed: "You are mad! Because you do not understand feelings does not mean you have any right to deem them right or wrong! On top of that, you will never control me. No wonder Anders gets depressed from you. Going all pathetic when you are losing control over him!"

His face turned into an angry grimace, with blue lines all over his skin. "I will have you, bitch." He growled deeply. "You cannot fight me, your miserable strength cannot hurt me, your weapons cannot touch me… " He threw her on the ground. "For I am Justice!" He launched himself at her, tearing cloth. She stared at him in disbelief. Then his body started to shiver and the glowing eyes turned brown. Anders blinked at her: "Shanna? What…?" He noticed that he was laying on top of her, his hand around her throat, a clenched fist held a ripped off piece of darkblue cloth hovered above her. "Maker… no… please." His voice sad and pleading, he quickly backed off and stared at her. "What happened?" He looked down at his hands: "What did I do?" The sadness and guilt in his voice made her sit up and place a hand on his arm. "Justice and I had an _interesting_ discussion about feelings and his control over you. It is not your fault Anders, you are not to blame." His gaze slowly moved from his hands to her, lingered a bit at her bosom before lifting up to her face. "No, you're wrong. We share the same body. I am not even sure if I can tell where I begin and Justice ends. I am at risk of losing myself completely, and once I realized that I have tried hard to regain control." Shanna looked down and noticed that her cleavage was quite exposing due to some tears in her robe. She adjusted it a bit before closing in on Anders and giving him a hug. "I know you can do it. I have already seen you change in only a few days." She assured him. He gently patted her back. "He has changed so much over the years… Most of the time I can control him, but when I am weak he sometimes takes over. He seems to be abusing my emotions and fantasies then… I never wanted to hurt you…" She raised an eyebrow at him, a small smirk on her lips: "What were you doing than, when he took over?" "Last thing I remember is that I was taking a bath." "That's all?" He looked at her questioningly: "What do you mean?" "I would not consider that to be a weak moment. Besides that, Justice appeared rather… 'steamy'." Anders started to blush and stammered: "Maker, I eh… do I even want to know what he had said to you? Well eh… I might.. have been fantasizing… a bit…"

She eyed him, his face and body language showed discomfort, so she decided to not push him further. "Sorry Anders, I did not mean to embarrass you." He smiled faintly: "I know… don't be sorry, I should be." "Sssh" She placed a finger on his lips. "Stop worrying about it. Shall we see whether or not Leila remembered to load up on food?" The mage nodded slowly. "Good, you go ahead, I'll get myself into another dress first." He stood up and slipped out of her room. Shanna took some time, deep in thoughts, before she stood up too and looked for a new dress.


	13. Chapter 13

After dinner the group came together in the captain's cabin. "So, have you lot made up your mind where you are going?" Isabella hung lazily on a couch, cuddling a pint. "Well, I still want to visit Tevinter, but maybe there are other options too?" Shanna offered. Isabella huffed: "At least know that this ship will not bring you to Tevinter… I am not getting _that_ close to Par Vollen." Leila laughed: "Really? You are disappointing me, Isabella. But, as we are officially heading to Weisshaupt… how about you drop us of at an Orlesian or Nevarran harbor? Than we can head further from there to where-ever we want to go without you having to sail us around whole of Thedas."

Isabella produced a map from her desk and displayed it for the others to see. "For the same reason as I had for Tevinter, I will also not bring you to the Anderfells, so you will have to travel by land or find another ship to bring you there. Whichever port or destination you choose, you lot will be facing a long journey." She pointed on the map. "Say, you would travel by land, than I would suggest Nevarra if you want to go directly to Tevinter. If you, on the other hand, want to keep up the Weisshaupt-illusion, I would travel via Orlais."

"Hmm, Weisshaupt is quite close to the Tevinter border, so it should not matter that much?" Leila looked up from the map and at her companions. Shanna rubbed her chin. "As far as I know, Orlais is suffering from civil war, which might make it more dangerous to stay there for long. I think that if we follow the imperial highway from Nevarra into southwestern Tevinter, it is the easiest and shortest route in the direction of Weisshaupt." Leila nodded: "And we could drop going to Weisshaupt altogether without raising too much suspicion."

"Fair enough." Isabella emptied her pint. "Nevarra it is. I will inform the crew to set sail for Cumberland tomorrow. You lot go entertain yourselves; I have things to arrange." She stood up and pushed everyone out of her cabin.


	14. Chapter 14

Ander, Shanna and Leila ended up hanging about at the warden-commanders cabin. "So, what is the plan, actually?" Leila looked at the other two. Shanna shrugged: "We have made up a nice story about going to Weisshaupt… I wonder how long it will take before anyone will start to miss us?" Leila smirked: "I wonder if you aren't already on the list of 'missing people', as you have already been out of Ferelden for some time." Shanna moved a hand through her hair. "That is actually quite possible… and now we are leaving a new track to follow. At least most people only know me as 'Hero of Ferelden', 'Warden-Commander or 'Lady Cousland'. It took some time for the people of Kirkwall to recognize me, and I had to shove it in their faces." Leila chuckled: "So, it would be so obvious for 'the hero of Ferelden' and 'the champion of Kirkwall' to travel together that no one will bat an eye?" "Well… at some point descriptions of our looks will go about, but as long as we don't throw around our last names, I think we can stay undercover for quite some time." Shanna turned her head at Anders. "Which reminds me: what is your real name, Anders?" He looked puzzled at her: "What do you mean?" "You have been called Anders because you are from the Anderfells, right? And everyone knows you by that name. Seeing 'Anders' is going to be 'officially' dead, it might be an idea to start using your real name instead." Anders shook his head. "No, apart from the fact that I have not been called by that name since… ages… and it does not really feel like my name… that name is still registered by the circle of magi. Seeing my phylactery had probably my name on it, it would set of alarms if I started to use it again." Shanna pursed her lips: "Ah, too bad. But at least tell us your name than?" "No." "Oh" Leila's eyes started to sparkle: "We can call him Sebastian, that name has an Anders' ring to it!" Anders groaned: "Makers sake! Everything but choir boy's name!" Both ladies started to laugh and soon he joined them.

"You two keep thinking about some nice name or names, I am going to get some sleep." Leila stood up and waved at the other two as she walked to the door. "Good night!" Both wardens replied in choir: "You too".

Shanna chuckled softly, causing Anders to raise an eyebrow at her. "Sorry, random train of thoughts brought up some memories." She stood up and walked over to her backpack. "Care to enlighten me?" The produced a liquor skin from the bag and smirked. "No." She sat down next to the mage and offered him the skin. "Want some?" "What is in it?" She grinned. "Just try." He screwed off the bottle and sniffed it. "Oh, mead! I think this is mine now…" He brought the skin to his lips and took a gulp out of it. Right after his body tensioned and he closed his eyes stiffly. "Anders?" She eyed him, unsure what do think of the situation. "No." It sounded firm and harsh. Shanna leaned backwards and raised a brow. Then Anders let out a sigh and looked at her. "Sorry, that was not at you… Someone decided that I should no longer drink alcohol, so I had to fight him back from trying to take over." She smiled faintly and wrapped an arm around his shoulder. "I think we should prioritize that particular problem of yours, maybe?" He shrugged: "As far as I know, the only 'cure' is death, so not sure what you want to do about that." "I do not know either, but maybe there is a way." He offered her the skin, which she accepted and took a sip from. "You know…" he started, "Both you and Leila have witnessed my other side firsthand, and still you are both supporting me. I do not understand that." "Perhaps you are just worth fighting for." He raised a brow and looked sideways at her. "Are you mocking me?" She shook her head. He smirked: "Hmm… two pretty women, fighting for me… or over me… oh, the possibilities!" Shanna shoved him, and he started laughing. She eyed him: "At least the man I used to know is still there, somewhere below the surface." He stopped laughing and looked at her, surprised at her serious comment. She eyed the skin in her hands: "I cannot comprehended the influence your merging with Justice has had, but one thing I notice is that I have a hard time sensing you. If you had not pointed out in which building you would be hiding back in Kirkwall, I would not have been able to find you. Took me a while to realize that though." "Strange… cause I can still sense you." She smiled and handed the skin over to him. "I guess it is nothing to worry about, but it might be that Justice has some kind of effect on the warden taint." The mage shrugged: "Just one more to add to the list of things he has influence on." She placed a hand on his chin and gently turned his face towards her. "Hey, come on. You _are_ a special and strong-willed man, Anders. Do not give up. I believe in you, and I want you to believe in yourself. I see a man who has lived up to his dreams by not allowing himself to get broken by the circle of magi, nor by misbehaving wardens. Please, think about what _you_ want, and tell me if you want to. But please, whatever you do, do not give up."


	15. Chapter 15

Shanna was on deck, leaning on the railway and staring into the distance. Leila appeared next to her: "Any idea how long it will take to get to our destination?" Shanna shrugged: "A few days perhaps? I guess Isabella could inform you about the estimated date of arrival." Leila snickered: "Well, she was still in her cabin, so I did not want to disturb her. You never know what to find in there."

Leila eyed the warden. "What's up, you look worried?" Shanna smiled faintly at her. "I was thinking about Anders. It pains me to see him struggling this much. I knew them both back then, Anders and Justice. They were good and loyal friends. I would have trusted them both blindly, without question. How is it possible that a merge results in _this_? I have seen more mages who cooperated with spirits, but never it resulted in such destruction for one or both parties…"

Leila placed a hand on the wardens shoulder. "No one could have known, not even them. I thought it was a bad decision and encouraged him to fight against Justices influence. I could see him slowly losing himself over the years, struggling more and getting depressed. However, I can already see him change for the better since you are here. He appears happier, Justice is popping out less often… You have a good influence." As the warden had already turned her gaze away from her after the first few sentences, Leila decided to push it a bit further. "He and I disagreed too much to really be friends, and the rest were not too fond of him either. Some deemed him outright dangerous… I guess you are the first one in years to really be a friend to him. Who sees him as a person, and not as some abomination? I have to admit I am having more difficulty with that… I do not know when it is Anders, Vengeance or Justice." Shanna gave her a painful look. "And that is why I want to help him." The warden replied softly before taking a deep breath. "But that is only one thing… What will you do when we have reached the 'visit Weisshaupt part'?" Leila shrugged: "I do not know yet, I guess I'll see that when we get there. You?" "I do not know either. Once I left Ferelden I had a clear plan, but now I just go and see what comes along. We should check what Anders wants to do too. I am afraid that I have already been pushing too much what _I_ want." Leila grinned at her: "Yes, absolutely, and we have no choice but to listen to your every whim…" The warden let out a chuckle. "Thank you for your confirmation!" A drop of rain fell on her hands, which were still resting on the railing. She looked up at a steel grey air. "Hmm, I guess it is time to go below deck again."


	16. Chapter 16

The warden-commander laid down on her bed and folded her hands under her head. Her thoughts drifted towards the conversation she had earlier with Leila. 'I guess she is right. It makes no sense to try to plan the whole journey. Maker knows what we will find on our path. And what if we all go our own way? I can go back, right? And if Nathaniel is still upset, I can go to Highever and annoy Fergus.' She closed her eyes. 'Nathaniel… I am sorry. We tried so hard to live a normal life, the life we were supposed to have, if things would have been different. No, not different… if they would have been as we would have thought them to be when someone would have asked fifteen years ago. Howe and Cousland… it would have been a logical choice. Marriage, heirs… politics… And when we met again… yes, we did fall in love, badly.' A grin formed on her lips. 'And we pretended, tried to life the lives as we had been taught since childhood. Living a lie. For we were no longer nobles… we were grey wardens. I have been mean to you, my dear… Redirected my frustrations to you. And you just took it… Especially after… Oh maker, why did you torment us with giving us hope? I know it is like impossible for wardens to have children. But to be given hope and then have it ripped away from you... I had missed two periods…' She felt tears burn behind her closed eyelids. 'You tried so hard to comfort me, but I just pushed you away. I allowed our love to perish, I was too busy with drowning in self-pity. I'll admit that, my dear… and I am sorry. You were angry at me when I packed my bags to go to Kirkwall… But I had to go. For once, I wanted to do something good in my life. Selfish? Maybe… But time had made me more experienced. And after all this time I finally realized something: we got frustrated for not being able to live in the way we were used to and wanted to. We again wanted to be someone, not 'just' wardens… But what if someone only knows a life where he is constantly told to be nobody, to be a monster, for the sake of being born? Where he runs to escape, only to await punishment and possible death? Where showing weakness is fuel for more torment? We felt so sorry for ourselves, whilst you were the one who suffered the most, Anders… I wanted to let you know that you are not alone, that someone cares. I could hardly believe it when Nathaniel told me that he had seen you, alive and well… How did you survive that massacre? A whole group of wardens gone… Did I abandon you for not searching for you earlier? I knew I wanted to go as soon as Nathaniel told me the news, but that rumor about the destruction of the chantry was the last straw. I had to go, now! And now that I have found you… I came to realize it was worse than I thought. It was not just a rumor… but it was not _you _who had done it. You could not have hid forever at the viscount's estate. I am grateful Leila protected you when you needed it. You would have done the same for her, without doubt.'


	17. Chapter 17

Someone knocked on the door. Shanna opened her eyes. 'Did I doze off?' More knocking. "Who's there?" "It's me… sorry if I disturb you?" Anders reply was soft and insecure. "Come on in Anders, you are never disturbing me." When the door opened slowly she sat up. "Oh, you were sleeping?" Shanna waved his question away. "No, just relaxing a bit." She motioned for him to come closer, as he was still standing in the doorway. He closed the door behind him and moved over to her. She noticed he was wearing a white linen tunic and black trousers. "Looks good. I think I have never seen you in anything but a robe." He smiled sheepishly: "A few years back I would have said that I only don't wear a robe when I'm naked… Thought it would help to drop the 'I'm a mage' sign, yet walking around nude might get me even more attention."

She tilted her head and smirked: "And that would be a reason for you to not do it?" He returned the smirk as he sat down next to her on the bed: "Can't have me distract it all from you, right?" "Actually, I think that would be a great idea. Then Leila and I can just go on with our business undisturbed whilst you keep everyone busy… But I doubt you have come here for that?" A spark glinted in his eyes. "Maybe I have… But mostly here because of what you said to me earlier." His face has turned serious by the time he had finished his sentence. "You asked me… what I wanted, and…" His gaze was locked to his knees as he seemed to ponder how to formulate his words. Shanna moved in to sit next to him. "I was hoping that it would be alright for you if I traveled along with you? To Tevinter?" He looked at her sideways. She smiled at him and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Of course, I'm glad you want to do that. To be honest… I was afraid that you might be mad at me." He looked at her, surprised. "Why would I?" "For I left you to fend for yourself when I left Amaranthine after that whole broodmother-happening, than I show up, years later, to drag you along with me and put your life at stake whilst doing so."

He placed a hand over her hand that was still on his shoulder. "Nonsense, you needed a break… it was not your fault. I know you would have never allowed those wardens to… torment others. I… I am the one who should apologize, not you." His free hand pinched the bridge of his nose. "That massacre during the patrol… that was my doing. Me and Justice had only just merged… one of them, a templar, betrayed me, again. First he took Ser-Pounce-A-Lot away from me, and now he wanted to kill me. Then Justice broke out, slaying them all, melting their faces, tearing them apart... When I regained control over my body, I panicked… and ran for it. I figured that you would never want to see me again, after what I had done, after what I had become… I have considered sending you a letter, but I thought it to be better this way." Absent-minded he took her hand from his shoulder and held it with both hands on his lap. "When I arrived in Kirkwall, I decided to start helping the people there. Although they tried to protect me against the templars, I had to be constantly on the edge. One day, Leila walked into my clinic, long before she would become the champion. Somehow she reminded me of you. She did not turn her back when Justice showed himself… so I decided to tag along. The templars knew of my existence, but her status protected me. I used it to help mages to escape from the abuses… the stories I heard: this 'circle' was way worse than the circle of Ferelden. Rape, murder, illegal use of the rite of tranquility on top of the regular dehumanizing… I wanted to help them, but my anger fed Justices hatred. Especially cause those who could act to stop it just stood by and watched. Leila became champion, gained a noble status… Rejected me for some chaste chantry prince… The longer, the worse everything became. One day I almost killed an innocent girl because Justice took over… If Leila hadn't stopped me… I realized that I had become a monster. I stopped caring about fighting Justice: no one loved me and I had become the thing I loathe: an abomination… so why would I? Then everything escalated. I expected to die, wanted to, actually… but Leila stopped her prince when he raised his bow to shoot me. They argued and in the end he ran off, infuriated. She had whispered in my ear, begged me to trust her, to go to her estate and stay there. Then she had stood up, yelled at me to run, that she never wanted to see me again. I felt nauseous when I went through the city and saw the devastation me and Justice had caused… Yet she stood up for me and protected me? I did not understand nor care… I just prayed each day that my suffering would end. And then, one day Leila warned me that she had brought home a grey warden who had asked about me. I did not know what to do: hide, flee, attack? I decided to slip down the stairs and find out what was going on. Then I heard your voice… and the sweet things you said. I realized how much I'd missed you and how much you meant to me… a moment of weakness for Justice to step in."

He sighed deeply, and Shanna softly squeezed his hand with the hand that was still covered up with both his hands, in order to encourage him to continue. He rubbed her hand with his thumbs before he spoke again: "After that I was sure that you would go away and leave me behind. But you did not… you came back for me, even brought gifts and made a risky plan to give me a chance to be free. You did more for me than I would ever have dared to dream of. It confused me, and brought back old, hidden memories and feelings. Justice became jealous, disapproving and even turned those emotions against me. He tried to scare you and take you away from me."

"I've faced an archdemon, so really, it takes more than a confused spirit to scare me off, Anders." Shanna freed her hand from Anders grip and wrapped her arm around his shoulder. "But if _you_ would want me to leave you alone, I would do that. And I want to thank you for telling me all this." He turned his head to look at her. "No, please don't go. I..." For a moment he lifted a hand, reaching for her face, but he lingered and lowered his hand again. His gaze followed his hand. "You know... I don't know a single circle mage who has ever dared to fall in love. In the circle, love is only a game. There was never more than a short fling. You would always hide your feelings, as it would give the templars too much power if there was something you could not stand to lose... Having to give up was already hard enough back then, but it would break my heart if I would lose you again." "Oh, Anders..." Her voice was soft as she wrapped both her arms around him and pulled him close. She whispered to him: "Silly mage, why did you not tell this earlier?" "Because it would not have mattered." His voice barely more than a whisper. "You had been with the king, and was seeing a noble man... what chance would a mere mage have? It could only damage our friendship, and I did not want that to happen."

Her head rested on his shoulder as she softly replied: "I admit that I have never been aware of this, Anders. But please know that Alistair hid his background for a long time and Nathaniel and I knew each other since childhood. Back then, I did not realize that you were hiding behind your flirty, smirky appearance. A wall built to protect yourself in the circle, but for me it made you hard to access and therefore I misunderstood and overlooked you. Nonetheless, you are certainly holding a special spot in my heart. I do not know if things could work out between us, but we could perhaps give it a try. Just know that I will be there for you, no matter what."

They sat there for some time in silence, embracing each other. He had rested his head on top of hers, which ensured that she did not notice that his eyes flashed blue several times.


End file.
